Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Growing Pains


Some things I did this past week and weekend ::
* went to an all-girls Catholic elementary school to observe 3rd grade.
* camping club ~ North Shore...saw little boy surfers who were ADORABLE!!
* Marissa made us lasagna for dinner and we ended up boogie-boarding down our stairs
* went for a ride on a Catamaran - a boat - and swam in the middle of the ocean
* Rachel's birthday dinner at a Mexican restaurant
* watched The Forgotten - a very scary movie!
* went to the beach a few times
* worked at Cold Stone a lot

Diamond Head from the boat

I got an email today from my mom saying that she misses Tara and I. I miss her so much, and my sisters and Anthony and my dad too. But it's odd, because I feel like I've separated from my family so much. We don't talk on the phone or email very much. My mom really has no idea what is going on in my life. I mean, I update her briefly on what my latest news is...but she doesn't really know what I do day in and day out. I know that most people in college get to see their family more than just 6 weeks in the summer and 2 weeks at Christmas. And even now, my friends here in Hawaii, who don't live close to their families anymore - most of them seem to talk to their families at LEAST once a week.

I kind of feel like I am being forced to separate from my family. It's crazy, because my family is the MOST important thing to me here on this earth!! I love them with all that I have, and it breaks my heart that I am not involved in their life anymore.

In some ways, I am still in the mindset where I feel like my mom should be worried about me. For instance, she doesn't know that I often get off work at midnight and have a 20-minute bike ride that is not so safe. She isn't worried about me anymore, but then again, parents can't really worry about you your whole life...but maybe I feel like I am loved if someone is concerned for my safety.

And I know I am loved...but lately it's just been so hard to deal with because I feel so utterly separated from my family. In Garden State, Andrew says exactly what I feel like....maybe I'll watch that tonight...

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.

You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

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