Is Senioritis Curable?

Because I'm really beginning to think it's not. And it worsens with time. There is a positive correlation between temperature and senioritis. As the temperature increases (and sunshine!) senioritis and un-productivity increases. Anyway, I think I'm just trying to pacify my guilt.

Now let me just say, when I used to write about Hawaii - my life was exciting! I'd go hiking, skydiving, swimming, to the beach, party in super nice houses... This weekend? Was DULL. Now, granted, I was pretty sick Saturday and much of Sunday. I slept most of Saturday, minus watching The Holiday - a pretty well written romantic comedy. But I must admit, I am increasing aware, and subsequently quite annoyed, of the cheesiness of Hollywood romance. As a child and teenager, I used to figure that love was actually that perfect once you found Mr. Right. However, real-life relationship experience has taught me that there is no magical relationship and there is no magical place where everyone finds someone and falls in love. Not to be cynical or overly realistic - but I think we're setting innumerous women up for disappointment and the inability to sustain a healthy relationship. Women, and some hopelessly romantic men, are being disillusioned to think that when the right one comes along, it will all work out.

And that's what bugs me about Hollywood romantic movies. I know, I know - I take it too seriously, I need to learn to suspend reality, blah blah blah. It's just that I've seen women I love hurt because of these lies. That's all!

On to lesser things - Mass was fantastic yesterday - complete with all the wonderful characters I've come to love at Immaculate Conception. I have not gone to a Sunday campus mass in well over a year. It seems to me that it's so much richer a sacrament experienced in the presence of families, of young children, of older folks -- the rainbow of God is beautiful! (Corny, I know.) Satish said something that really tugged at me and fit in perfectly with a lot of the discussions I've been having lately:

"To the extent that we participate in any of these evils we act contrary to the will of God. To the extent that we become passive bystanders we shirk our responsibility to truly value the God given dignity of each person."

Passively participating is not a good option. There is so much on mind -- particularly a conversation we had with my roommate's friend who is a soldier just returned from Iraq. It didn't exactly give me much confidence or make me feel better about the future of our country or...okay, that's all I'm going to say.

I sat next to a 38-year vetern teacher in Mass last night. 38 years! I cannot imagine doing ANYTHING that long. Amazing. We talked about the importance of caring for your students and how affection goes a long way in affecting a child's life. Honestly, I cannot imagine a day without children. I cannot imagine not being surrounded by children for the rest of my life. Their honesty, their love, their humor, their vulnerability...my entire life I've been drawn to care for children. Whether it was in 5th grade, when I created a "preschool" for neighborhood toddlers (somehow, parents actually paid me!? and i actually researched for lesson plans!) or babysitting since I was 12, I have been inexplicably drawn to children. I don't know what it is - but I feel really called. Maybe it's just to being a mother - maybe to being an educator - maybe to being an advocate. But I feel the nudge. :)

panic attack slash jubilation

cute, slobbery cousin :)

Whew.

Spring Break has come and gone, and my life is still going full speed! It was a wonderfully relaxing 10 days with Michael, chock full of wedding planning - registering at Target and Bed, Bath, and Beyond, tuxedo rental shopping, checking out caterers, showing Mike's parents what we (okay, my mom) have planned, and figuring out invitations, and blah blah blah...wedding stuff.

We also had some adventures, like getting our engagement pictures taken (we were not able to stop laughing as the photographer made us look into each other's eyes...:) - then my little sister called to say her battery died while she was in class. So we left the mall to go help her jump her battery at her college - 45 minutes later, we left (with a newfound respect for my mom - she's such a handy woman!). We got home to little brother-caused toxic fumes from a 9x13" Tupperware completely melted in the oven. He didn't look before preheating the oven for his frozen pizza. So he and Mike spent a long time chiseling the plastic-coated racks. The next few days, the house was filled with these awful fumes every time the oven was turned on. When Anthony's friends came over for the day, they ate under the table to avoid the fumes. I got so dizzy I had to go down into the basement. That's really healthy.

anthony loves his new big brother.

Mike finally finished his Masters' practicum. YAY!!! He had to print out all 70 or so pages of it - he did a men's group and a thesis on men's spirituality. Very cool. Very glad it's all over! Although going through the binder reminded me of all those Mondays last semester that I spent helping type and copy to prepare for his group. Good memories. :) I really miss having him around. (Mushy, sorry!)

he loves when i take his picture.

It was great getting to spend time with family. I love them a whole lot, even though they can be crazy. Anthony (computer-obsessed brother) created Sims characters of Mike and I, and spent the week trying to increase their levels of attraction for one another. I am happy to announce that our Sims are now engaged. :) He also followed Mike around like a puppy - reading jokes ( like yo momma's so fat that when she goes to the movies she sits next to everyone...and my personal favorite: two cows were grazing in the field. one cow said to the other "you know, i'm really worried about this mad cow disease." the other responded, "why should i care? i am a helicopter. whee!" ha! it's hilarious!) and begging him to recite episodes from The Simpsons.

In all, it was a ton of fun and great to see him. :) I have lots of things I need to work on - less than 50 days till we graduate!!!! AH! {panic attack slash jubilation} Peace out.

pretty much sums up Emmie's latest diva-attitude teenage girl stage. it's fun.

i like him. (ignore how pale i am. is it summer yet?)

What A Beautiful Mess I'm In

Hectic crazy life! WAH! (Lately I've been saying "waah." It's less of a whine and more of a me acknowledging how annoying and whiny I'm being. :)

So, I was sitting in class, not paying attention - as so often happens and I calculate the amount of my time not occupied by necessary obligations (and running!), and I came up with 13 hours a week. That is 13 hours to do GOBS of homework, get dressed, clean, and attempt to have any fun social life whatsoever. 13 measly little hours a week. "Not fair!" I say. But, I guess it feels good that I am spending lots of time "awakening my consciousness" and not constantly succumbing to our default setting of laziness.

I had an Existentialist Philosophy exam today, and I find the concepts absolutely fascinating. Nietzsche's challenges to Christianity and his implications on the individual and collective potential of humankind are honestly riveting. It seems as though the threads of learning in my various classes are so intertwined, it is making for a fantastic semester. It makes sense that as we become more and more absorbed in a world of television, technology, celebrities, and general noise - the more we move away from pursuing the things that matter, the things that drive us and awaken us. Okay, I must stop crapping along. Who'd ever have guessed that I'd be blathering about philosophy? ME? But I freaking love this stuff.

Sooo, remember how my eye looked sooo nasty a few days ago? Well I went into a dining hall (because I'm a secret shopper, not like I'd chose to eat nasty, overpriced food) to get a sandwich. I approached the counter and the exchange went something like:
Ricky: Oh my GOD! What happened to you?!?!?
Me: Um, uh.....OH! My eye?
Ricky: YES! What the...what? [yes, apparently, I was so grotesque I took his breath away.]
Me: Oh, it's not a big deal. It's called episcleritis. [why oh why did I feel the need to explain this to the deli guy?] It means I have a tear on the sclera of my eye...Yes, the scelra...The white part...
Ricky: Oh wow. Okay, honey. What you want me to make you? I'll make you anything you want.
Other deli guy: Anything she wants? You mean you'd make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if she wanted it? [Apparently, peanut butter and jelly is a Big Deal, yo.]
Ricky: Baby, you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'ma make it for you.
Me: Wow, thanks. But you know what, I think I'm just gonna stick with a veggie sandwich...

Was he hitting on me? Why would I want a PB and J? Did he pity my demon eye? Maybe it was fear. Probably fear.

Last Thursday, I had a Human Sexuality Exam, so after waking up at 7am on Thursday - I realized I had lost the study guide. Now, I had not cracked the book for the class, so the study guide was really going to be my saving grace. So, crap...what do you do? Call an acquaintance you barely know at 7:30am (how cruel am I!?), wake her and take her study guide! I was soon studying happily in Starbucks, when I realized there is no real way to study the subject in public without feeling strange. Here I was, among all the stay-at-home moms with their toddlers, the business men with laptops and in meetings, and the retired couples and friends...with my book open to LARGE pictures of...ahem...male and female reproductive parts. REAL PICTURES. I sort of studied with the book half closed, so as not to draw the suspicion of any wandering eyes. (Starbucks can be a very friendly place. More than once someone has struck up a conversation with me about what I'm studying...) But then, I realized the front cover was questionably worse, showing a blurry picture of a naked couple embracing. So no matter what, I'm gonna look like a pervert. That's when I decided to stick to my study guide. :)

Mike and I also got into a debate over Starbucks last week. :) He sees no redeeming qualities in it whatsoever, to which I maintain: social responsibility! biggest purchaser of fair trade coffee! great worker treatment and benefits! and other such reasons! to assuage my conscience as I sip a tall, organic milk, caramel macchiato...or latte...or sugar free Cinnamon Dulce...or cappuccino. Dear God, I am addicted. Support group?

PS:
Also, if you can - watch The Corporation - a really well-made, informational, provocative film. And responsible for me swearing of all rBGH milk; because, DUDES, that shit has caused cancer in lab rats and is banned in all developed countries EXCEPT THE U.S. Seriously wrong.